History books will tell you that the violin is actually an Eastern European descendant of the Japanese Kyoto. They’ll say something about Marco Polo bringing the idea of the violin back to Eastern Europe after his highly publicized jaunt to the Far West in the 1200’s where he enjoyed a Kyoto concert with Kubla Khan. Turns out the history books are all wrong.
The violin was brought to earth by aliens in the 1650s. And Marco Polo and his brother, Ralph Lauren Polo, only had dinner at a Kyoto Japanese Steakhouse while they were in Tokyo this one time.
The aliens were an advanced life form from a galaxy beyond Alpha Centaurs. They landed in what is now known as Italy and shared some of their cultural artifacts with the Italian people who had just assumed they were simply missionaries from Ireland. The Italians gave their new friends delicious recipes for lasagna, pizza and spaghetti and, in turn, the aliens offered up their “funny little hallow-bodied paddles” for the Italians to use.
Originally, the violin was used as a bat– to bat high hanging oranges off of orange trees in small Mediterranean villages where villagers were just too short to reach the citrus fruit. It wasn’t until and Italian luthier—a crafter of stringed instruments—in Cremona, Italy– stumbled upon a young boy using the alien tool to bat oranges off an orange tree in an orange orchard that the violin became a musical instrument.
His name was Antonio Stradivari and he was considered the most significant artisan in the field. I mean, that day… in the field where the orange trees were. Stradivari took one look at the alien paddle and realized that it had the potential to make a nice instrument.
He noticed that when he added strings to the tool, one could pluck the strings and produce a unique sound. Later, while riding a horse through his small village, Stradivari noticed that when he held his new instrument in his right hand and unintentionally rubbed the strings against the horse’s mane, the sound coming from the instrument changed dramatically—and was even more pleasing to the ear. The bow (made of horsehair) was introduced.
The young man studied the lines and contours of the alien tool and began to mass produce them in his workshop. Often producing up to one (1) instrument per month. Today, a Stradivari-made violin can sell for as much as 3.9 million dollars. Not too shabby for an orange paddle thingy brought to earth by aliens.
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